We all go through storms and struggles. Some are more difficult than others — it breaks us, tears us apart and turns our whole world upside down.
So, I guess it’s safe to say that life is not always butterflies and rainbows, life can definitely be difficult sometimes.
For me, last year was by far the toughest storm that I had to face.
I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety and eventually, that made it too impossible for me to continue working at a very stressful environment — so, I had to quit my job.
And quitting my job means that we had to live off on one income and since I was the one earning more, it was definitely challenging.
I had no savings. No backup plan and I was buried in debt. It was a terrifying and uncertain time for us financially.
So, I guess you might say that I made a stupid decision.
And the worst part is, after a few months I lose someone very dear to me.
All the struggles just came too fast and I just didn’t know how to handle them. So, I continued to navigate my reality consistently down, low, heartbroken and very unhappy.
Looking back, I had everything planned, everything seemed to be in place.
But then life took a quick turn and everything pretty much went downhill.
Almost every night I would cry myself to sleep, thinking that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I may try, I will never be happy again.
But now, I realized that while my choices may be the reason for my unhappiness, my habits also played a huge part as to why I was stuck living an unhappy life.
Hitting rock bottom didn’t only teach me so much, but it also opened my eyes to the reality that I had so many habits that were not only preventing me from healing and moving on, it was also sabotaging my happiness.
And these habits might be keeping you unhappy too.
Here are 5 habits that are sabotaging your happiness…
Consistently waiting for something better
A lot of people are guilty of this habit and that includes me. For years, I lived my life consistently waiting for something better — a better job, a raise.
And I thought to myself that if only I could get those things then I would be happy.
But the thing is, once you do get those things, yes you may feel happy but only for a little while and then you’re back waiting for something even better to happen.
It’s like we are consistently chasing happiness. Always living in the future.
And if we continue to do this, we are only robbing ourselves with the opportunity to be happy now.
We are only preventing ourselves from seeing the beauty and the good in everything that is already happening in our lives.
It’s time to stop wasting your time by waiting for something better to come. Open yourself and allow yourself to enjoy the things that are happening now.
The things that you have while you still have it.
Stop waiting for something better to be happy. Choose to be happy now.
You are afraid of being vulnerable
Being vulnerable to me was scary. Being vulnerable to me was a sign of weakness.
And I let that thought ruled my life for years.
So, when it comes to feelings and emotions, the best way that I handled them was to ignore and bury it.
Thinking that by ignoring it, they will eventually go away but they don’t.
Eventually, all those will pile up and eat you alive.
Choosing to ignore your feelings and emotions will not do you any good. It will only make things harder.
It will only prevent you from healing and from moving on.
Don’t be afraid to let yourself feel. I was wrong, vulnerability is not a sign of weakness.
For what it’s worth, being vulnerable takes great courage and strength.
You want to please everybody
It’s so easy to get caught up in worrying about what other people think.
I was a people pleaser. I would put everybody else’s needs first before mine just so I can please them — just so I can feel accepted, validated and enough.
I did that for years without realizing that I was losing myself in the process.
So, let me tell you this: no matter what you do. No matter how hard you may try, pleasing everyone is just not possible.
Give yourself some love and stop sacrificing your happiness just to please other people — doing that is just exhausting and debilitating.
Remind yourself that you are enough. You don’t need other’s approval. The only validation that you will ever need is your own.
You want to control everything
I am what you call a control freak. I always want to be in control of just about everything. I feel safe doing that.
I have always believed that as long as I’m in control, I can prevent bad things from happening.
While that statement may be true, we may be able to control some things but the truth is, no matter how hard we try, we just can control everything.
That is just not possible.
And I learned that the hard way. I spent so much energy and time trying to control everything and that only lead to disappointments and heartaches.
It just made me unhappy.
So, stop worrying about the things that you can’t control. Instead, control what you can. Change what you can and just accept the things that you can’t.
Doing this makes a huge difference!
You refuse to forgive yourself
I made a lot of bad decisions. I took a lot of wrong turns in the process of turning my situation around.
I had a lot of regrets and I blamed myself for so many things. I chose to hold on to the pain and guilt.
But that habit only made things worse. Doing that did not make things better, it didn’t help fix my problems, it just made me feel worse.
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone makes bad decisions and you are definitely not an exemption to that.
So, instead of giving yourself a hard time by continuing to blame yourself, choose to be kind to yourself.
Forgive yourself. Blaming yourself will only prevent you from moving forward. It will only stop you from healing and from being happy.
So, let go of the pain, the guilt, the regret and forgive.
Yes, no one is happy all the time but if you continue to sabotage your happiness then you are only ensuring yourself to stay unhappy.
Changing all our self-sabotaging habits is not something we can do overnight. It’s a process. So, don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Just start by recognizing those habits that are keeping you unhappy and be consistent in your efforts in changing those habits.
You got this!
I am not a licensed therapist. If you are suffering from a major disorder and need treatment please seek the help of a professional to get the help you deserve.